The Month in Review and More

Well, it’s the end of the month again, so time for a quick review… 

November included quite a bit of printing. One of the orders was for the church where my sister attends. We happen to work together, (It’s great…most of the time…) so I just asked her at work one day if there were any changes to their order. She made a point of looking at the date in the lower right-hand corner of her computer screen before saying, “Wow! You really are behind. You usually have it done by now.” Needless to say, that did wonders for my stress-level… Even if I cut it a little closer than I normally do, I can, thankfully, still say I’ve never missed a deadline…

Other than printing, there were a couple of short devotional posts for the Facebook page. My favorite by far was “Human in the Waiting.” I don’t think I can express how much I needed that night in my office typing a lesson I’d written weeks earlier. Check out the post if you missed it! 

I also wrapped up a two-part adult study from 1 Samuel. The final lesson was a special blessing to me in that it provided inspiration for a new blog post for the website. You can keep scrolling after you finish reading this post and read “Love and Kindness” if you didn’t see it earlier this month.

That’s about it for the monthly update, so now for the “and more” part… The first quarter I ever wrote literature for was the winter quarter. So, when November rolls around and I start printing orders, I know I’ve survived another year. I hadn’t given that much thought this year. I was too stressed about running behind. One night, I was over at my parents’ house, and I told my Mom I thought I was about to give it up. It was stress and exhaustion talking. I was really just blowing off steam, not being super serious. 

Still, after I said it, I couldn’t help wondering if it might be for the best. I always sort of thought callings were for life, and at 17, when I felt called to write Sunday School literature, I certainly didn’t imagine making every subsequent decision based on that, pursuing it, and then hanging it up in my 30s. Then again, at 17, I didn’t know much about life. Besides, maybe hanging it up wouldn’t necessarily mean I was wrong about the Lord’s direction or made poor choices. Maybe it would just mean a long chapter was closing, and there would be other ministry opportunities in a new chapter.

A couple of days later, I happened to look at my Facebook memories for the day. I say that I happened to look at them because I usually make a point of avoiding Facebook memories. The older ones from when I was in school remind me how miserable I was with the added twinge of bitterness at knowing the chronic perfectionism and over-achieving was a waste. And, the ones from happier seasons tend to make me sad in the present. So, it’s just better for my mental health to avoid them altogether. 

For whatever reason, that day I looked at them and saw the post from two years prior celebrating seven years of For the Journey Literature. My first thought, which was not super-spiritual or inspiring by the way, was, “Who would work so hard for nine years and throw it away at year 10?”

That gradually led to the decision to commit to one more year and then reevaluate next November. Now, my hope and prayer is something happens in the next year allowing me to break through the spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical exhaustion currently plaguing me and that I’m ready for (I don’t know) at least 10 more years of For the Journey by next November. If not, maybe reevaluating will look like going back to college for a more practical degree in pursuit of a better life. Maybe it will look like upgrading my wardrobe from flannel shirts and boots, setting aside my love for home, and moving to a city with more career opportunities with the not-super-practical degree I have. Maybe it will look like still pursuing writing, just differently. I really don’t know. I can’t fathom walking completely away, but I tried scaling back only to discover that I’m apparently an all-or-nothing kind of person. And, I also can’t fathom another decade of life as I know it. So, basically, I’m just glad I have a year to pray about it all, and if you want to pray about it too, that would be most appreciated. 

That’s enough on the depressing/uncertain front, so let’s move on… I’m really not usually one for celebrating because I like to keep everything pretty low-key. Still, 10 years seems pretty special. And, while I won’t deny that the past 10 years have been filled with hard work and lots of it, God has blessed me so much and amazed me in so many ways. So, between now and next November, there will probably be some trips down memory lane, and I’m toying with a few other ideas to maybe make the Facebook page a little more fun and interactive. I hope you will stay tuned to see how it all turns out!