Tough Topics: Conflict

Scripture Reading:

• Matthew 5:9
• Matthew 5:38-48
• Romans 12:14-21
• Proverbs 20:3
• Galatians 2:11-21
• Matthew 18:15-17
• James 1:19-20

So…I’ve had this idea to start a “Tough Topics” series of blog posts for probably over four months, and I’ve been successfully avoiding it because there was never an option in my mind for the first one other than conflict, and I do not do conflict. I will take the loss. I will be absolutely, completely, and totally miserable and not say a word about it. I do not confront people. Nope. Not my thing. My very limited experience with conflict has been almost universally negative, so I just avoid it at all costs.

Needless to say, I was hoping for another idea for a topic that was tough, but not quite so tough for me personally, or I hoped to be able to suddenly forget the whole idea altogether. Neither one of those things has happened yet, and I’m starting to feel guilty about delayed obedience. So, here we go…

While my no way, no how attitude toward conflict is not biblical, the Bible is clear we shouldn’t be eager to fight and argue with people. God’s people are to be people of peace. In His Sermon on the Mount, Jesus taught, “Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God” (Matthew 5:9). In that same sermon, Jesus taught that we are to turn the other cheek and give more than what’s required. He instructed us to take the loss and suffer the abuse rather than retaliate (Matthew 5:38-42). Jesus also commanded:

“But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust” (Matthew 5:44-45).

Paul offered very similar instruction in Romans 12:14-21, specifically writing in verse 18, “If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.” We’re responsible for doing as much as we possibly can on our end to keep the peace. Furthermore, Proverbs 20:3 reads, “It is an honour for a man to cease from strife: but every fool will be meddling.” This verse teaches that it’s honorable to avoid unnecessary arguments and squabbles. It’s the right and wise thing to do. Conflict should always be a last resort, not a first response. If we haven’t prayed for the person we really want to ream out, we should probably bite our tongue. If we haven’t done all we can to keep peace, we should start there first.

But, sometimes, conflict is necessary. After all, Paul once publicly opposed Peter to his face, as recorded in Galatians 2:11-21. In this instance, there was a clear and grievous offense. Through his actions, Peter was harming the gospel and leading others (like Barnabas) into sin. Peter didn’t proclaim that grace through faith in Jesus Christ wasn’t enough, but his hypocritical actions would easily lead people to that conclusion. You’ve heard the expression, “Pick your battles.”  Well, this was a battle worth fighting. When the truth of the gospel is at stake, conflict is absolutely necessary. It’s not optional. Paul had to speak up. Furthermore, the offense was public in this instance, so the correction had to be public as well. Paul could not simply go to Peter privately because that wouldn’t undo the damage done. As unpleasant as it may be, sometimes we do have to boldly confront others.

While, in the example from Galatians 2:11-21, there were extenuating circumstances and Paul was right to immediately confront Peter and do so openly for the gospel’s sake, when it comes to conflict among believers, Christ taught us to go to our brother privately first, then with one or two witnesses if our brother won’t hear us, and then tell the church if need be. (See Matthew 18:15-17.) When we have an issue with someone, we need to deal with it as privately and quickly as possible. We don’t need to spread it and try to win people to our side. We should always do our best to keep a small issue from blowing up into a major ordeal.

We also don’t need to engage in conflict while angry. Heated arguments generally end with both parties still mad. If we feel we must confront someone, we need to make sure we’ve taken the time to calm down first. James 1:19-20 reads, “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:  For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.” If our temper is blazing, all we’re going to do is make matters worse.

This obviously hasn’t been an exhaustive study on all the Bible has to teach us about conflict, but I do hope you’ve found it helpful in some way. It’s okay if conflict makes you uncomfortable. It’s good to avoid it as much as possible. But, there are times when we need to engage in conflict, and we should be equipped to do so in the right way.

For Further Study:

• Colossians 3:13 – Forbearing and forgiving as commanded helps us avoid conflict.
• Matthew 5:21-26 – Reconciliation is important.
• 2 Timothy 2:23-26 – Avoid unnecessary arguments.
• Galatians 6:1 – Be humble and gentle in correction. The goal is restoration.
• Proverbs 15:1 – What we say and how we say it matter.
• Ephesians 4:15 – Speak the truth in love.