For the Journey Literature

Well, it’s the end of the month again, so time for a quick review… 

November included quite a bit of printing. One of the orders was for the church where my sister attends. We happen to work together, (It’s great…most of the time…) so I just asked her at work one day if there were any changes to their order. She made a point of looking at the date in the lower right-hand corner of her computer screen before saying, “Wow! You really are behind. You usually have it done by now.” Needless to say, that did wonders for my stress-level… Even if I cut it a little closer than I normally do, I can, thankfully, still say I’ve never missed a deadline…

Other than printing, there were a couple of short devotional posts for the Facebook page. My favorite by far was “Human in the Waiting.” I don’t think I can express how much I needed that night in my office typing a lesson I’d written weeks earlier. Check out the post if you missed it! 

I also wrapped up a two-part adult study from 1 Samuel. The final lesson was a special blessing to me in that it provided inspiration for a new blog post for the website. You can keep scrolling after you finish reading this post and read “Love and Kindness” if you didn’t see it earlier this month.

That’s about it for the monthly update, so now for the “and more” part… The first quarter I ever wrote literature for was the winter quarter. So, when November rolls around and I start printing orders, I know I’ve survived another year. I hadn’t given that much thought this year. I was too stressed about running behind. One night, I was over at my parents’ house, and I told my Mom I thought I was about to give it up. It was stress and exhaustion talking. I was really just blowing off steam, not being super serious. 

Still, after I said it, I couldn’t help wondering if it might be for the best. I always sort of thought callings were for life, and at 17, when I felt called to write Sunday School literature, I certainly didn’t imagine making every subsequent decision based on that, pursuing it, and then hanging it up in my 30s. Then again, at 17, I didn’t know much about life. Besides, maybe hanging it up wouldn’t necessarily mean I was wrong about the Lord’s direction or made poor choices. Maybe it would just mean a long chapter was closing, and there would be other ministry opportunities in a new chapter.

A couple of days later, I happened to look at my Facebook memories for the day. I say that I happened to look at them because I usually make a point of avoiding Facebook memories. The older ones from when I was in school remind me how miserable I was with the added twinge of bitterness at knowing the chronic perfectionism and over-achieving was a waste. And, the ones from happier seasons tend to make me sad in the present. So, it’s just better for my mental health to avoid them altogether. 

For whatever reason, that day I looked at them and saw the post from two years prior celebrating seven years of For the Journey Literature. My first thought, which was not super-spiritual or inspiring by the way, was, “Who would work so hard for nine years and throw it away at year 10?”

That gradually led to the decision to commit to one more year and then reevaluate next November. Now, my hope and prayer is something happens in the next year allowing me to break through the spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical exhaustion currently plaguing me and that I’m ready for (I don’t know) at least 10 more years of For the Journey by next November. If not, maybe reevaluating will look like going back to college for a more practical degree in pursuit of a better life. Maybe it will look like upgrading my wardrobe from flannel shirts and boots, setting aside my love for home, and moving to a city with more career opportunities with the not-super-practical degree I have. Maybe it will look like still pursuing writing, just differently. I really don’t know. I can’t fathom walking completely away, but I tried scaling back only to discover that I’m apparently an all-or-nothing kind of person. And, I also can’t fathom another decade of life as I know it. So, basically, I’m just glad I have a year to pray about it all, and if you want to pray about it too, that would be most appreciated. 

That’s enough on the depressing/uncertain front, so let’s move on… I’m really not usually one for celebrating because I like to keep everything pretty low-key. Still, 10 years seems pretty special. And, while I won’t deny that the past 10 years have been filled with hard work and lots of it, God has blessed me so much and amazed me in so many ways. So, between now and next November, there will probably be some trips down memory lane, and I’m toying with a few other ideas to maybe make the Facebook page a little more fun and interactive. I hope you will stay tuned to see how it all turns out!

Last Saturday night, I was sitting at my kitchen table wrapping up the last lesson in a two-part study of 1 Samuel. I do have a perfectly nice, if a bit cluttered, home office, but there’s a more conveniently located plug-in for the space heater by the kitchen table, and my Bible’s always there from my morning Bible study anyway, so a lot of times, I wind up working at the kitchen table. Moving on… 

The final chapter of 1 Samuel is a bit depressing. Saul dies, along with three of his sons. The Philistines are victorious over the Children of Israel, God’s people.  It’s just a bit of a downer. Yet, unexpectedly, while studying and writing from 1 Samuel 31, I was struck by the kindness of God, and it’s stayed on my mind ever since.

Saul was horrid–absolutely horrid.  In a list of Biblical heroes and villains, he would be firmly established in the villains column.  I mean, he blatantly disobeyed the Lord. David did him absolutely no wrong, yet he relentlessly pursued him, trying to kill him over and over again. If not for apparently having really bad aim (After all, Saul had already failed with David–twice.), Saul would have killed or severely wounded Jonathan, his own son, with his spear. Added to all of this, the fact that he was troubled by an evil spirit from the Lord is mentioned more than once, and that says a great deal about how wicked Saul had become for the Lord to judge him in such a way. Oh, and there’s that fun episode right at the very end of his life where he consults a medium when he can’t receive an answer from the Lord. (Why try humbling yourself and good old-fashioned repentance when you can just find a medium?) 

And, what’s worse is Saul knew how wrong he was. He knew God’s will was for David to be king after him. He knew it was wrong to consult a medium. He was the one who had removed them from the land in the first place… Saul’s life and reign were, in a word, tragic. The man he became is, quite frankly, terrifying.

Yet, even though Saul made so many mistakes and was so downright evil at times, even though scripture doesn’t give us a great deal of hope for his eternal state, 1 Samuel concludes with a reminder of what was perhaps Saul’s finest moment. Soon after being anointed king, Saul came to the rescue of the men of Jabesh-gilead. So, after Saul’s death, all the valiant men of Jabesh-gilead risked their lives to recover his body and the bodies of his sons to spare them further indignity and give them a proper burial. God ordained that this be penned in scripture so that their act of loyalty to Saul would remain a lasting memorial. Thus, a bright spot in Saul’s legacy is honored at the end of 1 Samuel. For all his mistakes, Saul’s life mattered. He did some good. And, clearly, God didn’t want us to leave 1 Samuel celebrating Saul’s demise and thinking he finally got what he deserved. 

That’s what I meant when I said I was struck by the kindness of God. Saul had consistently disobeyed the Lord and acted in ways he knew weren’t pleasing to the Lord, yet God was kind in writing the ending of Saul’s story. 

In Matthew 5:44, Scripture commands, “…Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.” Saul had fallen so far that the Lord had turned away from him and become his enemy (1 Samuel 28:16). And yet, God loved him. God loves and values even those who tragically reject Him and spiral deeper and deeper into sin. To be clear, His love doesn’t outweigh His holiness. If they don’t come to Him for redemption through the blood of Jesus, they have no hope for eternity. Period. Still, when God commands us to love our enemies, He’s not asking us to do anything He doesn’t do. There’s not a soul, no matter how wicked, no matter how lost, that He doesn’t love.

It’s easy to deal with our enemies by simply cutting them out of our lives altogether. It’s easy to avoid the lost, especially those steeped in certain sins we’ve never been tempted by and have therefore self-righteously decided are just really, really bad or those who are downright mean and evil like modern-day Sauls. It’s easy, but it’s not the call. The call is to show them love. The call is to treat them with kindness. The call is to share the truth with them. That’s the call.

It feels like October started two days ago, so I’m not really sure how it’s time for this post, but according to the calendar, it is…

I have this whiteboard in my office, and every week, I write down all of these For the Journey tasks I hope to accomplish that week.  It’s always way over-adventurous.  I’ve never, nor will I ever, mark all the items off in a week’s time.  My hope is simply that if I’m shooting for an impossible amount, I’ll at least accomplish quite a bit each week.  That did not work for me in October, not at all…  I put red asterisks by the top priority items every week, and in October, there were weeks I didn’t even check off the top priority items.  I was letting personal struggles, worries, and the busyness of life impact my ministry, so I’m praying for a better November because I have some serious catching up to do.

So, there was no new podcast episodes or blog entries for the website this month.  I don’t think I wrote a single devotional for the 30-Day Devotional I’m currently writing.  (Although, can I say I’m currently writing it if I haven’t touched it in weeks?)  I did start a new Bible study guide, but by start, I literally mean I wrote one section from one chapter.  I didn’t work any on next year’s VBS.  I did write a couple of devotional posts for my For the Journey Facebook page.  My favorite was probably “Love God More.”  (Check it out if you missed it.)  Mostly, I did my best to stay caught up on adult Sunday School lessons from 1 Samuel to be prepared to print November orders, so there was a fair amount of writing and proofing and editing on those.  I also squeezed in some children’s lit crafting at the end of the month, which is always fun, especially when the craft turns out almost the way I was picturing it in my head.  (Trust me, that does not always happen…)

Oh, since I was writing for the winter quarter, I wrote a Christmas lesson.  I wouldn’t say it’s the best one I’ve ever written or my favorite, but it was a really neat experience for me because I thought I was just writing a Christmas skit.  Then, after it was written and I was going over it a little more, I caught myself thinking, “There’s your Christmas lesson.”  So, the skit idea turned into inspiration for the lesson, and it was a double blessing.  I love it when God does things like that.

I shared at the start that October wasn’t a great month for me, but one thing I’ve really been working on in my life for a while now is seeing and focusing on God’s goodness even in rough seasons and struggles.  I think where I saw His goodness the most this past month was in His timely encouragement through those He’s placed in my life.  There were sweet and encouraging comments to posts.  One day at work, I waited on someone at the register, and before she left, she said, “And keep doing what you’re doing.”  From knowing her outside of work, I had a pretty good idea she wasn’t referring to manning a cash register, but when she added, “I read every one of them,” I knew for sure she was talking about my writing, not my day job.  Then, a dear lady from the church where I grew up sent me a card after she finished my 30-Day Devotional study “Women of the Bible,” telling me how much she enjoyed it.  Their encouragement would have been precious to me if I was having the best month of my life, but it was all the more precious because of how much I needed it at the time.  That’s how God works.  He is so good, and He sends us what we need when we need it.  One of the 1 Samuel lessons I worked on this month was from 1 Samuel 23, in which God did this for David.  By this time, David had been living on the run for a little bit.  He had left his parents in Moab for their protection.  Eighty-five priests plus women and children of the city of Nob had died in part due to David’s actions, so he had felt the weight of that.  Then, in chapter 23, Jonathan, his beloved friend, was able to come visit him, and when he arrived, he encouraged David in the Lord and affirmed the promises God had made to David.  It’s no coincidence that, right after this, Saul came closer to capturing David than ever before.  But, when it looked like he and his men were completely surrounded, Jonathan’s words were fresh in David’s mind.  God sent him that encouragement at the moment he most needed it.  God knows life is hard.  He knows our flesh is weak.  Thus, He encourages us in our journeys, and I’m so grateful for that.  I’m also grateful for those who listen to His nudges and are willing vessels of encouragement, and I hope I can be that for others.

So, was October the best or most productive month of my life?  No.  But, God is still good, and it certainly had its moments.

While September did not include anything quite as exciting as launching a new website, I would still call it a good month for For the Journey. And, I did update the business card to include the new website, so that’s exciting, right?

The month also included printing a couple of orders, which is always wonderful and a blog post for the website titled “Worth the Work.” Check it out if you missed it!

Since it had been a couple of months, it seemed like a good time for a new podcast episode. This one was inspired by time spent with Dad, time in which he was operating a limb saw from the bucket of his tractor lifted uncomfortably high in the air. And, I was the one responsible for raising and lowering him, which means I was an absolute nervous wreck. I had a lot of fun with this episode, and since I found myself the subject of more than one sermon illustration growing up, I don’t even feel guilty about using Dad without giving him advanced warning. If you missed it, For the Journey Podcast is available on Spotify. Look for “When the Journey Fills You with Anxiety.”

Sunday School literature is the main part of For the Journey Literature, so I work on lessons every month. This month, I primarily focused on adult lessons from 1 Samuel and a couple of lessons from Genesis for younger kids and middle schoolers. My favorite writing moment this past month came while working on lessons from Genesis 21. The following is a short (okay, maybe not exactly short) devotional post I shared on my For the Journey Facebook page:

Why re-share that here? I mean, most of you probably already read it. Well, as it turned out, that post was only half the story. That night, I was so challenged and convicted, so motivated to live with more faith, more hope, and less scoffing disbelief, less despair in certain areas of my life.

Then, the next week happened… It was a terrible week–terrible. It didn’t help that I was sick. Throw in some added unpleasant life-stress I wouldn’t have handled well at 100 percent and so much for living with more faith and hope… I don’t even want to think about all the angst and bitterness I ended up spewing out over the phone to my Mom on my lunch break one day midweek or on the front porch with her one night after I was feeling some better and didn’t think I would get her sick. It was awful. I was awful. So, that only made me thoroughly disgusted with myself, which didn’t exactly help matters.

Not that I’m excusing my behavior, but I don’t think my experience was in any way uncommon. I mean, how often do we leave church after a wonderful Sunday sermon that felt like it was just for us encouraged and motivated only to have Monday morning madness slap us in the face?

The good news is that there’s grace for that. God can pick us back up and dust us off. Trying and failing doesn’t mean we can’t try again. But, I also think maybe we need that to happen sometimes because then, when we do try again, we do so humbled. We do so more aware of the fact that, if we’re going to change, if we’re going to be better, we’re not going to do so in our own strength. We’re going to have to rely on the Lord and His strength. He can do in us what no amount of resolve or exertion of our willpower will ever accomplish. That’s why we need Him so.

I truly believe God has gifted each and every one of us to fulfill our purpose and live out the calling or callings He’s placed on our lives.  (After all, that’s biblical.)  Some are gifted for teaching and preaching.  Others are naturally generous or filled with incredible faith.  Some are so good at seeing when someone is in desperate need of encouragement and always seem to have just the right words.  Still others are blessed with great knowledge and wisdom.  God has gifted us all in different ways to fulfill different roles to build up the body of Christ and bring glory to Him.  

But, having a gift, doesn’t mean we’ll always be motivated to use it to the fullest.  It doesn’t mean we’ll never struggle with disappointment and discouragement in our ministries.  For instance, when I come home exhausted and feeling like I’ve been run over by a mack truck after a crazy busy Monday at work, I’m not motivated and thinking, “I’m just so blessed to have been given my writing ministry and can’t wait to work some more tonight!”  I wish I were that sanctified, but I’m not…  I’m thinking I’d like to find out what it’s like to actually get eight hours of sleep, or I’d like to loaf on my couch and enjoy a novel.  Being really honest, if the day has left me pretty cranky, I’m letting terrible thoughts like, “If God wanted me to write tonight, He could have made the workday easier,” or “If God wants me to keep this up much longer, He needs to open up some doors or part a sea,” creep in.  Spiritual gifts are, without question, tremendous blessings from the Lord.  But, at times, using them, living them out, still takes an act of will.

Paul addressed this in both of his letters to Timothy.  In 1 Timothy 4:14, Paul urged Timothy not to neglect the gift within him, and in 2 Timothy 1:6, Paul wrote, “Wherefore I put thee in remembrance that thou stir up the gift of God, which is in thee by the putting on of my hands.”  The gift was there, but Timothy was responsible for making full use of it.  When Timothy was perhaps tempted toward discouragement because he had to work harder to be taken seriously due to his young age, Timothy had to remember the gift within him and not neglect it but continue to minister.  Timothy had to study and meditate on the Word both to be encouraged thereby and to be able to teach and preach to others effectively.  Timothy had to stir up or fan into flame the gift within him so that he wouldn’t be discouraged or frightened by the sufferings of Paul, his mentor in the faith and a father-figure to him.  Timothy couldn’t let fear creep in but had to remain unashamed of the gospel and willing to suffer for it.  Timothy had to remember theirs was a holy calling, and he had to put in the effort.  He had to make sure his gift wasn’t neglected, that his fire didn’t burn out.

The same is true for Christians today.  Gifted pastors and Sunday School teachers still can’t just show up on Sunday morning and expect to preach and teach well.  They have to put the work in.  They have to be intentional about studying the Word and preparing their sermon or lesson.  They have to be praying and working to maintain their own personal relationship with Christ, or it will be that much easier for them to become discouraged or distracted.  Even worse, it will be that much easier for them to fall into sin and do serious damage to their testimony.

Gifts are great, but they have to be used.  And, sometimes, using them requires making sacrifices and pushing ourselves.  God doesn’t give us a ministry without gifting and equipping us for it, but being gifted and equipped doesn’t mean we’ll have it easy.  It doesn’t mean we won’t face intense battles because so often our spirit is willing but our flesh is weak.  

Drawing from personal experience, over and over again in my writing ministry, I’ve found that, if I’ll be intentional about getting my Bible out and working on a lesson even though I don’t feel like my focus is there or even though I’m exhausted or discouraged, it usually still starts out a bit rough.  I’ll write a sentence just to mark it out or write a paragraph only to rephrase half of it.  But, then, usually after a break for focused prayer, the words start flowing as naturally as breathing, and by the time I put the pen down, I’m more refreshed than I would be from eight hours of sleep or from an evening spent relaxing on the couch.  That’s God’s blessing.  That’s God’s goodness poured out.

So, yes, sometimes, it’s easier to neglect our gifts.  Sometimes, it’s easier to just stay distracted or wallow in our discouragement.  But, when we choose instead to stir up our gift, to do what it takes to stay passionate and inspired in our ministry, to be intentional about walking closer and closer to the Lord, to fan our gift into a roaring flame so it can be used to the fullest, as God intends, it is always, always worth it.

When I started what became For the Journey, I was just writing Sunday School Literature. (The name and the logo came later.) I knew that was my calling and wanted to be obedient, but at the time, all I imagined doing was Sunday School Literature and probably only for adults.

God had other plans, though, and has led me step by step over the years in adding other offerings. Some of them I was more excited about than others. For instance, it was all excitement when it came to adding 30-Day Devotionals, but it was mostly all nerves when it came to adding the podcast…

When the Lord started dealing with me about a website, I wasn’t crazy about the idea. I’m not tech-savvy, so the thought of trying to design a website had me imagining pulling all my hair out in frustration or perhaps smashing my computer with a hammer. I just knew I wasn’t smart enough. Then, if I figured it out (which seemed like a big if to me), would it be worth the time, energy, and frustration? Would any good come from it? Any growth?

So, I did something I’m really good at… I delayed…

But, thinking about a website every single day started to get old, so as I was praying one night, I just honestly said, “God, I’m not a web designer.” Probably in less than a fraction of a second, I found myself thinking, “You weren’t a podcaster either…” That was the moment I knew a website was in my future.

Research did not go well. I may not have pulled my hair out or smashed my computer, but my frustration level was pretty high. I hate not knowing what I’m doing, and I hate not knowing a project will turn out well.

I realized, however, that, if I ever wanted to think about something other than a possible website, I was going to have to stop trying to figure out every single detail ahead of time and just jump right in. After all, our obedience doesn’t require much faith or trust if we already have all the answers.

And, guess what? Jumping in went way smoother than trying to figure out all the details. Sometimes, the most rewarding tasks are the ones that have us thinking, “Um, God, I can’t be the right person for that,” or “Um, God, just thinking about that makes me want to pull my hair out,” or “Um, God, are you sure about that?” They force us to depend on the Lord to guide and help us. They humble us. They stretch our faith, our trust. Sometimes, our “Um, God…” objections become the first steps of exciting new journeys.